The soccer pitch was almost comically small. The international school we were borrowing it from must cater to younger kids than ours. It’s the second to last game of our regular season and Acton is down 2-11.
But, that wasn’t the reason for the heartbreak that rested in my soul.
Every time out, every water break, there was a precious little girl who took the field with her Dad. Maybe 7 years old, she’d take him by the hand and gleefully run down the hill. He’d stand in the goal box defending dispassionately.
Time after time, she kicked the ball. Sometimes evading his range and making it in, others, rejected by his adult feet. She vied for attention, almost begged for interaction, but he kept his head down, eyes glued to his phone.
He was there, he was “playing” with his daughter, but he was the furthest thing from actually present.
I’m sure he was lying to himself about it too, there were emails to check, important messages from clients, maybe even his boss. But time after time, they came to the field only for him to stare at his phone as he robbed his daughter of his most prized gift.
Presence is everything.
For many years, I chose to work long hours, to travel for work without my family, to build a team that desperately needed me.
When I was needed 24/7, I felt valuable. I felt worthy of love.
Whenever I found myself alone with my thoughts, I felt worthless… So I covered it up. I strived. I was a human doing instead of a human being.
Years later, after nearly losing everything I cared about, I finally learned how to be… And to be okay with who I truly am outside of my work and all the things I thought defined me.
It was only when I learned to love myself, I learned how valuable real presence truly is.
I am far from perfect. I still make mistakes. But I’ve learned how to demand absolute presence of myself. When a child, or my Bride walks into a room I’m in, down goes the phone, away goes the laptop. My books are closed. I want to value each moment I am with them. I want to honor the little time I have on this earth with those I love.
If we’re friends, you may often see it takes me time to reply to texts, return phone calls, and Lord help you if you email me… (I promise, one of my assistants will get back to you eventually).
In day to day life, or especially when I’m traveling or interacting with others in person, I check out of the virtual world. I want to be truly present and engaged. Each moment I’m receiving another human’s greatest gift (their time) matters to me.. And it should to you as well.
The moments we don’t honor that gift should feel like heartbreak. You never know how much a sharing true presence with someone else can impact them.
If you believe you’re being the best parent, partner, employer, or child, and you’re not working your hardest to exercise true presence. You’re lying to yourself about just how good you are.